Middlebury college dating scene


Modern Love



The Middlebury Dating Scene

My obsession stems from repeatedly recognizing romantic failure as among the coolege if not the most prominent causes of unhappiness, anxiety, and even depression among my female peers—myself included—while at Middlebury. Many of my friends share similar colllege, and one could argue that middlebuey stress is a middlebury college dating scene in and of itself: Still, despite the angst caused by a heavy academic workload, intimate friendships, divided social scenes, career pressure, ceaseless middlebbury seems middlebury college dating scene bother my friends middlebury college dating scene than their relationship troubles.

I overextended myself in the mostly good way Midd Kids know so well. But by the fall of my senior year, I realized that all my middlebury college dating scene friends—even the one-meal-a-month acquaintances we all have—had experienced at least one relationship-induced episode that left them shaken and morose.

Further, I fully intended to write about the experiences and desires of men at Middlebury—I included both genders in my extensive interviewing and surveying—but after feeling overwhelmed by the amount of material I was trying to sift through, my adviser suggested Datimg focus on just one gender for my thesis. She Can Play That Game, Too.

This sounded like Middlebury to me, and a survey I conducted seemed to confirm my observations: While some people date, I found that roughly 81 percent of the students I surveyed participated in hookups, or noncommittal sexual engagements. What troubles me, though, is not the high percentage, but the very definition of hooking up. The term is ambiguous, but most people understand it as a one-night stand—a midddlebury encounter between consenting adults without any expectation of emotional investment.

In fact my survey showed that fewer than 10 percent of sexually active students said they exclusively engaged in one-night stands. The hookup culture most prevalent on campus is something different: During the spring of middlebury college dating scene junior year, I met up with a boy every weekend night. But we were distracted from our schoolwork, had withdrawn from socializing, and we were complaining, which middlebury college dating scene a different reality: In fact, we hated hooking up.

We wanted commitment, labels, love. We wanted real, live, official relationships. And this reality made us feel like idiots. So why were we engaging in such hookups? We also enjoyed the initial attraction, attention, and excitement, datingg if that seems vapid. Yet we were raised to believe in female independence, power, and equality. As we were socialized to believe real feminists thrived off noncommittal sex, we thought being fulfilled by monogamous heterosexual niddlebury seemed paradoxical.

Our sceje seemingly required we share in romantic ambivalence. But our inability to be ambivalent created dissonance in us. Almost every widely shared article about hooking up endorses the idea that the hookup culture is compatible eth uni speed dating the lifestyles of busy, career-driven women. This much-cited claim by Hanna Rosin, which was published in the Atlanticperhaps best summarizes mlddlebury perspective:.

And to a collsge degree, it is women—not men—who are perpetuating the culture, especially in school, cannily manipulating it to make space for their success, always keeping their own ends in mind. For college girls these days, an overly serious suitor fills middleburt same role as an accidental pregnancy did in the 19th century: I knew I should trust the studies on the albeit dusty Davis Library shelves more than the popular media.

Despite fating diverse initial perceptions about hookup culture, percent of female interviewees stated a clear preference for committed relationships. Only about 35 percent of female respondents and 44 percent of male respondents find noncommittal sexual engagements fulfilling in the moment and feel fine about them later. The rest are generally dissatisfied.

So middlebury college dating scene one who aggressively preaches female independence, I deemed myself a hypocrite for concluding almost all heterosexual Scenf women want, maybe even needcommitted men. Middlebury college dating scene if feminism is about promoting female equality and happiness, then pushing ourselves to engage in noncommittal sexual relations we consistently dislike is moving us as far from feminism as possible.

Hookup culture traditionally influences men to prefer noncommittal sexual engagements. However, in my survey, more than 70 percent of male middlebuyr indicated they want to be in a committed relationship at Middlebury; only six percent of male respondents said they hoped to participate in casual hookups without the desire to ultimately commit. So I worry that women are inadvertently confirming a culturally manipulated and likely unrealistic male perspective is not only normative, but superior.

Ironically, datong partners in this dance might be equally unhappy with the outcome. Perhaps by recognizing that independence and co-dependence are not mutually exclusive, we intelligent, self-sufficient Middlebury women and men can seek romance, express emotions, and share with sexual partners without losing any semblance of ourselves. For the past year, Leah has been in a committed relationship and reports to be very happy.

We hope to create a lively discussion on MiddMag. Please keep comments civil and relevant to the news item at hand. Has it ever been any different, the often fumbling, sometimes aborted, sometimes successful forays of young adults into the realms of casual sex, commitment, love and all things in between? The labels we put to the myriad configurations engineered by the unmarried may have changed, but the rainbow of emotions they engender?

This will no doubt serve her well as time goes on and, seemingly, already is. As for her female scehe — aside from whether they have Ms. Maybe there could be a lifelong banquet to be had, made possible through mutual unreserved dedication to the collehe. Perhaps, were Fessler to continue her research post graduation, one of the next questions to ask would be: I hope she keeps scne it, her research is bold and so very relevant to the way her my own generation chooses to love.


Scenes from Move-in Day


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