Dating Someone with Avoidant Attachment Disorder
A small proportion of the population has what is commonly referred to by psychologists as a dismissive avoidant attachment style. Due to the experiences of their childhood they tend to see relationships with others as painful and troubling, causing them to become highly self-reliant and dismissive of the need for human intimacy.
Being with someone who has these characteristics can be frustrating and painful, particularly if you are the kind of person who is looking for a lot of affection and closeness in relationship. A dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment with a dismissive avoidant attachment style is unlikely to change, and if they do it will be through their own hard work and self-inquiry. It will definitely not be through your efforts!
If you intend to stay happily dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment a relationship with such a person the best thing you can do is accept them as they are and learn to live harmoniously together. Relationships have the potential to teach you many valuable lessons and provide the challenges that are so important for our growth as human beings. Being with someone who has a dismissive avoidant attachment style can push you to explore your own need for attachment and what it is you are looking for when you enter and participate in intimate relationships.
One of the things that can emerge as you explore this territory is an inability to love yourself due to a deep-seated belief in your own lack of worth. You therefore look to your partner to give you the reassurance you need to feel good about yourself. In such a case, being with someone who is dismissive avoidant can be extremely difficult, however with conscious intent it can also be used as a tool for self-growth.
Learning to meet your own emotional needs can be a challenging process, made almost impossible if your lover continuously bows to your emotional neediness and provides the support, or crutch, you are looking for. This can be especially problematic if their own emotional well-being is tied to the need to be needed, leading to the classic co-dependent dynamic where each person props up the other emotionally.
This dynamic is rarely sustainable and most often destructive. In contrast, a dismissive avoidant is unlikely to provide you mesa boogie mark ii serial numbers such a crutch. Instead they will tell you in no uncertain terms, either directly or through emotional withdrawal, that you have to meet these needs for yourself.
I am a firm believer in living at your edge while not pushing yourself over the edge! Being with a dismissive speed dating lawton ok can help you become more emotionally mature, resilient and self-nurturing. But if you are not at a point where you can observe these dynamics and work with them it can be isolating and detrimental to your emotional and psychological wellbeing.
Instead of becoming stronger and growing through the relationship you find yourself becoming more needy and anxious. A typical pursuer-distancer dynamic sets in where your increasing demands for intimacy cause your partner to back off from you and becoming more and more emotionally unavailable. This kind of dynamic can be particular problematic when a dismissive avoidant is paired with someone who has an insecure anxious attachment style, a combination that is all too common.
People with an anxious or preoccupied attachment style feel very insecure when they are not given the reassurance they need to feel ok. They worry a lot about whether their partner loves them and require direct displays of affection and intimacy in order to remain emotionally stable. As you can imagine these two individuals go together like fire and water, and yet somehow they are strangely attracted.
Perhaps this is because they have so much to learn from each dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment. If your relationship with your dismissive avoidant partner has reached a stalemate and you are not coping you will notice a dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment of telltale signs:. If the relationship has become toxic counseling may be called for, or you may have to acknowledge that you need to spend time on your own before you are ready for this level of emotional challenge.
This does not mean that you stop loving your partner, or that you blame them for the 'relationship not working out'. Your partner has their own lessons to learn from relationship but that is their problem. Your task is to look to your own emotional, psychological and spiritual needs and ask 'does this relationship serve me? John Bowlby's work on attachment theory has profoundly changed our understanding of human relationships.
An amazing book that helps you rise above those pesky feelings that confuse and distort reality. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. Thanks for sharing an important but oft overlooked human condition. Especially in today's world.
Thanks for the insight. Iam on the edge of ending my marriage to a dismissive partner. Dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment am struggling with resentment towards him. He can play the loving role for a period of time and when confronted with issues involving him I get negative responses or no response. He can be distant towards his own children and then over jolly when he feels like it. Its frustrating and confusing as we have only been married nearly 5 years after splitting for 9 years due to his drinking.
Prior to that we had dated for 18 dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment. Now he has been alcohol free for 5 years and now a qualified counsellor about to complete level 5 in CBT. Plus he is a baptised christian. I feel cheated and feel I have let our children down. I gave him another chance because I blamed the drink for his dismissive behaviour but now I realise that this is his personality. I only wish I had waited a little longer as Dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment believe his personality would have revealed itself and I could saved myself and our children the pain of being back in this situation again.
As a christian myself I have faith that God will help me in making the right decision. I hope this helps someone else out there. I find myself irresistibly drawn to avoidant people. I would love to have a healthy, nurturing relationship but I find most women uninteresting.